Week #52 (Part I): Joining the Army ... Salvation Army!

This is my second to last week. Since my weeks end on Sunday at midnight, I have one more task after this. As this year winds down, I am a conflicted soul. On one hand I can't wait for this weekly pressure to be off of me and on the other hand, I know I will miss this. ( I will write about this in further detail after my last post).

My mother came up with this week's idea. Hey! She said, "It is Christmas time, you should volunteer for the Salvation Army." Good idea, Mom. I thought, "Why not join the Army?" Be all that you can be! I talked with the family and everyone was all on board.

I signed up for my three-hour shift outside of Sears Dept. Store at one of our local malls. This task became a little more difficult due to my prior week injury. Standing on crutches for three straight hours became a little uncomfortable. I show up to relieve the lady before me and she asked if I have my own bell. I thought that they provided one. She exclaimed that they do... but nobody can hear it. She proceeded to give me one of her "sleigh" bells (which have a far better listening range). I start ringing away. A teenager came up to me and said "Sir, thank you for what you are doing." Someone else inquired if my crutches were real or am I just a good marketer. One hour in, my wife showed up with all the kids in their Santa hats and antlers. My wife noticed that kids and to some extent, dudes in crutches, have a lot more success with donations than adults. I spoke with a woman from Atlanta who also volunteers and she mentions they can't even ring a bell there. They actually hold up a sign that says "Ding Dong!" When my shift was over, it took a few minutes for the next family to relieve me. They also did not have their own bell. I thought since they were fellow members of the salvation army corp, I passed on the sleigh bells and wished them a Merry Christmas. One corp member to the other.

This was a rewarding holiday event for our entire family. My Mom and Aunts showed up to lend a hand. Our children learned to give back and we are all looking forward to continuing this new Holiday tradition every year.

Pictures: Ringing the bell with family, my Aunt Maureen lending a hand, the red bucket runneth over (thanks Ken).

Videos: Ringing away with my Mom giving away and the family joining in.

Week #51: Snowboarding - Goldie goes UP and Goldie goes DOWN!

One and done! That was my official first and last attempt at learning how to snowboard.

Too bad for me, because this was actually Plan B. Plan A was "Thiiiis close" to happening. I volunteered to be Santa Claus at PetSmart. The humane society lets you come in with your pets and sit on Santa's lap. For a nominal charge, your pet can have their picture taken with Jolly Old Saint Nick with all proceeds going to the Elmbrook Humane Society. Since I was too late for this year, I signed up for next year (thanks Ken and Pam).

I happen to ski a lot with my family and figured a little snowboarding could be a good time. Bad choice! I recruited my brother to lend a hand and witness this silly event. I had no teacher, no training, no idea, and no clue. And it showed! What a pain this was! Putting on the boots, clamping them into the binding and trying to stand upright is a difficult task. This doesn't even include the act of snowboarding itself. I did enjoy a second or two before "the fall" happened. I was not going fast and did not hit a tree, yet sustained a bone bruising injury. Apparently, old man bones bruise easily. My snowboarding adventure lasted only about 10-15 minutes, but gave me a lifetime of ... "Don't ever attempt this again!"

Part II of this week will explain what happened next.

Video: My brief snowboarding career.

Week #51 (Unexpected Part II): Taking it one step at a time.

So much for snowboarding! My wife mentioned that "I might be getting a little too old for this stuff"! Driving home that night, my left leg hurt like heck and I could not move it. Maybe she was right. After leaving the ski hill around 11:00 at night, my brother and I decided the ER was the place to go. We arrived at this deserted place in the underground parking lot. Only a few cars were in the lot. My brother got out to speak to the admissions area, while I waited in the car. He hurled an unmanned wheel chair across the parking lot for me. I hobbled to retrieve this before it hit one of the few cars in the lot. I saw the trajectory and limped forward to stop this racing beast, yet only managed to slow it down before it hit someone else's car. The nurse looked at my brother in disbelief. We entered and my brother noticed the nighttime ER nurse (who happens to be the wife of his best friend) and his comments become unleashed. They ask us to check in. He says ,"I'll do it for him." Question: What's your brother's last name? He speaks loudly: ASS! Then they ask, Well, then what is his first name? He answers: DUMB!! I still don't know how he came up with that one so quickly. I was cringing as usual. I had a few xrays and many discussions with the late night ER crew. They are all great people and treated me decently (which is saying a lot with the peanut gallery I came in with).

Next day, I am on crutches for the first time. I pick up my daughter at church and someone jokes, " Hey, Let the cripples go first!" You definitely get a lot of looks with the crutches, yet I discovered most people are very nice and open doors or hold elevators for you. My son sweetly said to me yesterday, " Dad, I don't want to be mean or something, but with that cane thing ... you look really, really old." Gotta love kids. They speak the truth.

P.S. My wife and colleague Jackie at work told me on Wednesday before I headed to the ski hill, that I better not come home on crutches the next day. Well, sorry I did. Lesson learned. :(

P.S. Don't take Vicodin on an empty stomach and go to work.

Week #50: Timberrrrrrr!! : A Norman Rockwell Christmas Scene

In our house, December rolls around and it begins to feel a lot like Christmas. Every holiday season, we traverse down the road a mile or two to select a tree from the pre-cut selection that is available. I thought that maybe this year, our family should get all "Norman Rockwell". Time to cut down our first Christmas tree. My wife's family had done this once before (about 25 years ago) and she still harbors bad memories of that event. Apparently the weather was horrible that day and her Dad was given a rusty ax to cut down their craggy tree. Everyone argued, then became tired and cranky after dragging this special tree to the car and eventually home. I was determined to change this memory for her. I am pushing 40 now, yet have never cut down a Christmas Tree of my own (nor has my family). This is the year to do it and if we are lucky, the family can change my wife's feeling towards Christmas tree cutting.

After many an Internet search, I found the closest tree farm to our house. It was about 30 minutes away and did not have any outdoor lighting. My children get off the bus after 3:20 and it gets dark around 4:00 this time of year. It was crunch time! Everyone got off the bus and we quickly shifted into the family car and moved on to "The tree farm".

Upon arriving, the owners explained the tree-cutting program to us. This is the Balsam Fir section, the Frasier Fir section, etc. We grabbed our tarp and saw and were on our way to a piece of forgotten Americana. We found our tree and began to cut away. It only took about a minute to cut down this beauty (about 20 minutes earlier than my wife's early teenage memories). On the way down, the tree almost hit my son. Fortunately, he was agile enough to escape harm. We brought our tree in and had it shook (for $1 dollar) free of leaves and animals. Then were given some twine, and my 7 year old helped me tie the tree to the top of the car. We all ended up having a great time.

When we brought the tree home, my biggest worry was that it would turn into a Clark Griswold Christmas tree. I was half expecting to see a squirrel flying out of it and onto my kids. Thankfully, this did not happen. The entire process went smoothly. My wife commented that there is usually a carpet of pine needles on the ground of our living room, but there were hardly any this year. Talk about fresh! I guess a little bit of sawing and elbow grease can make for a cleaner and more traditional Christmas for us this year! Merry Christmas!!

Pictures: Cutting down our tree before the sun sets (no lights available), kids dragging the tree, rudimentary twine cutting knife, my son tying the tree to the car, and the final result of our adventure.

Check out the first Video: my oldest son (in the background) almost gets hit by the tree

Week #49: NO WAY JOSE!!

Gutbuster! Who you gonna call? ... Jose!

Horrible challenge this week. A small back story - a little over a month ago, I received a phone call from my friend, Mark. He inquired if I had ever tried a competitive eating challenge. My lightening quick answer was no, and lets give this a try! When our spouses asked "Why are you doing this?" The only answer was "Why" is not a question one should ask when participating in a food challenge. All we had to do was coordinate a time and a place. He found the challenge at the restaurant Charro. They have a burrito that weighs in at 5-8 pounds called the "No Way Jose" Burrito. If you consume this beast, it is on the house. My friend Brian decided to join Mark and I on this adventure.

Thankfully, Mark has a competitive eater friend in the Minneapolis area. Advice was passed on to the three of us. There was a 3 day "workout" schedule. Day 1: Eat regularly until dinner. At dinner, gorge yourself until you can't anymore (then continue to eat afterwards). This will stretch out your stomach lining. Day 2: Eat regularly, but drink water from dawn to dusk. This will keep your stomach stretched out to capacity (Mark emailed me "Who could actually think that water can taste bad after awhile?). Also, you will be going to the restroom more times then you have ever gone before. Day 3: (or as I call it: Game Day) Eat a breakfast bar in the morning and nothing else. Then, proceed to work out harder than you usually do (if you don't exercise, do so on this day). This increases the metabolism and gets the body ready to go. On game day, Brian and I ran between 8-10 miles at the Pettit Olympic Ice Skating Center. Post-run shower, my stomach was growling like crazy. I think I heard it say "Let's get it on! 6 pound burritos are nothing!"

Mark, Brian and I discussed our challenge with each other. We quickly figured out it was a battle against Jose, not one another. Mark and I made a side bet with our favorite charity to whomever finished first or who ate the most.

On Wednesday, the clock struck four and sweat beads began to appear on my forehead. We decided to pass on the appetizers. Then, the waiter brought out the 5 to 8 pound (nice discrepancy BTW) burrito for Mark, then me, and finally for Brian. After witnessing this abomination, we knew Jose would defeat us all . Weight-wise, it was like eating a new born baby. We would have to finish this beast in under 1 hour. Basically, you are racing against your stomach. Finish before your belly says, "Hey, Knock it off!" Yet, we were famished and ready for the challenge! The first bite was delicious, the second o.k. then it turned ugly! I could hardly lift the fork ten minutes in. Twenty minutes passed and Mark peered over and spoke "I want to throw up before every bite." truer words could not be spoken. I became hot, sweaty, disorientated, grumpy, sleepy (pretty much all of the Disney Dwarfs, except for Happy.) Finally, my stomach was stretched to the limit. Four plus pounds of burrito later, I threw in the towel, Jose wins :( I did squeak by Mark and managed to raise a little money for my favorite charity http://www.cdhh.org/ (The Center for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing). A few days later, I seem normal again. Of all my adventures this year, this is definitely one that I will NOT do again any time soon!

P.S. Extra special very impressed with that Man vs. Food guy!

www.charrorestaurante.com/brookfield

Pictures above: "No way Jose" Burrito, running 8-9 miles one hour before the event, before and after shots. (Notice the difference in Mark (on the left) from before picture #3 and later-in-the-task picture #7, not as cheery)

Videos: Getting ready to go down! (Special thanks to Jan, my cinematographer)